Ah, yes. The Dog Days of Summer. Those glorious summer days when family pets laze about on the lawns, temperatures reach sub-Saharan highs, and the SEC’s beat writers attempt to concoct meaningful sports stories out of thin air.

Are we in them? That’s hard to say, since I don’t technically know what they are, but it certainly feels that way, what with the football season some eight weeks away and the college baseball season now a fading memory. And also that dog incessantly barking outside my window. Excuse me one second …

EXIT Stage Left.

Sound FX (offstage): Slam! (Sound of window SHUTTING.)

RE-ENTER Stage Left.

(Grumbling): “Dadburn dog. Interrupting my special ‘War Eagle’ time.”

And moving on …

***

So what exactly have we been up to here at WarEagleTales, in the midst of this typically hot and humid July? Great question. Glad you asked.

1) New-look website!

That’s right! You thought I wasn’t going to mention it, didn’t you? Well, I am. Thanks to the man with the digital thumb, Sir Perry Balian, WarEagleTales is now operating more quickly and efficiently than ever. Gone are the days of slow-load times; here are the days of quick-load times. And also cool new flash animation!

2) Tweets!

Yep. You got it. Twitter. You can find us pretty much every day over at Twitter.com/wareagletales, tweeting away with the best of them. And if you’re not already on there, I would highly encourage you to check it out. (Unless you have an addictive personality, in which case, I would encourage you to forget that I mentioned it. Don’t even go there.)

3) Making friends!

Are you on Facebook? Well, guess what? So are we! Wanna be our friend? (Facebook.com/wareagletales) … You DO love Auburn, don’t you?

***

As a student at Auburn, I personally loved summer quarter. It was probably my favorite time of the year, aside from the fall, which for obvious reasons was my No. 1 favorite quarter. (Intramural football, anyone!)

As a football fan, however, summer can really be a drag. There’s just not really much going on — or at least that the beat writers can write about.

So to alleviate some of your pain, we’ll leave you with a little something to help pass the time until Sept. 4, when Auburn 2010 gets cranked up.

Until next time. War Eagle!

Auburn Football Pump-Up Video 2010

Popularity: 1% [?]

“It would be impractical to revote. It’s been six years. Memories have faded and the poll board from that year is no longer intact.” — AP Sports Editor Terry Taylor, June 11, 2010

As luck would have it, the poll board here at WarEagleTales is very much intact. So intact, in fact, that it was never out of tact. Not even during that ugly Nallsminger episode of ’03. But I digress …

In light of recent actions taken by the NCAA, we’ve decided to revisit our poll results from the 2004 football season. As many of you may recall, we cast our ballots that year in anonymous fashion. Highly anonymous, in fact, as they cannot be found anywhere. Published or otherwise.

So to rectify that little difficulty, we’ve decided to hold a re-vote. Yes, I know, such re-voting can cause all sorts of difficulties, stemming from faded memories and what not, but thanks to Al Gore, and a little thing called the Internet, an amazing amount of information still remains. Even from as far back as 2004.

To wit:

•  The Auburn University Tigers, at that time coached by one Tommy Tuberville, went undefeated. Yep, that’s right – nary a single defeat in some 13 games including a conference championship, the Sugar Bowl, and five different games against Top-15 opponents (the most of any team in the country).

•  At that time, Auburn played in a 12-team league known as the SEC. Say it with me now: “Esss-eee-seaa.” Sends a shiver down your spine, dudn’t it? Well, it should. The SEC is considered the roughest, toughest, and bestest football conference in all the land. Doubt me? Just look at its record in BCS title games: 6-0. Not too shabby, eh?

•  Under the guidance of a certain defensive coordinator by the name of Gene Chizik, the 2004 Auburn defense held opponents to a nation’s best 11.3 points per game. Forgot about that didn’t ya? Well, don’t worry, because many have, what with future NFL stars Jason Campbell, Carnell “Cadillac” Williams, Ronnie Brown, and Marcus McNeil all playing on offense. (Once again, thank you, Internet!)

•  And best of all, as it turns out Auburn had zero players who were later ruled ineligible by the NCAA. A nice, clean immaculate number that.

***

Now, in light of all this new-found information, let the 2004 WarEagleTales Football Re-vote commence! We officially call this poll board meeting to order. When I say your name, say here.

You there!

“Here.”

Me!

“Present.”

And you over there, sitting on that tree limb inside that rather large aviary.

“Squawk.”

Okay, so now that we’ve taken roll, let’s cast our votes. Up for consideration is the No. 1 team in the land. He who shall be named …… champion.

When I call your name, please cast your vote for who you believe the best team in the country was that year …  that did not utilize an ineligible player or get beaten unmercifully in its bowl game.

Okay. I’ll go first.

“Auburn!”

Now you.

“Auburn!”

And finally, you over there, with the glorious white feathers growing from your scalp.

“Squawk!”

Okay, so, let me just tally this up here … (tap-tap-tap) … (tap-tap-tap) … that’s one for … (tap-tap-tap) … and another for … (tap-tap-tap) … and carry the … (tap-tap-tap) …

Okay, folks we have a winner! And what’s that? It’s unanimous!

***

See? Now that wasn’t so hard, was it? And what’s more, we’ll even post the results below, for the sake of transparency and what not.

Final WET Poll (first-place votes)

1)      Auburn (3)

2)      (Somebody else.)

3)      (Does it really matter?)

4)      (Are you still reading?)

5)       …

War Eagle!

Popularity: 2% [?]

WarEagleTales was in attendance at Auburn’s first round game of the SEC Baseball Tournament Wednesday morning — well, okay, to be honest, that’s only technically correct. The truth is we arrived more or less just in time for that most-beloved of baseball traditions, the 7^th-inning stretch.

Which knowledgeable baseball fans know means we walked in just as the crowd started singing that grand ol’ song “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” or as was more appropriate in our case, “Take Me Out to the Long Line of Cars Winding at a Snail’s Pace through Suburban Hoover.”

Of course, we weren’t alone. I know this because there were approximately five thousand cars behind us as we’d been directed to park in a remote, grassy field. (Which I for one, didn’t even know existed in the highly-developed environs of Hoover; yet there we were, side by side with all the other frazzled drivers, bedecked in our colored, collegiate attire.)

Thankfully though, the field was within an excellent day-hike’s distance of the ballpark, because I’d been hoping to squeeze in a little cross-city trekking before that tiresome “sporting event.”

In any case, we did in fact witness the last few innings of the game, disappointing as they were. The atmosphere was terrific, but the on-the-field activity less so. And as the game proceeded to unravel before our eyes, I found myself oddly longing for that vast expanse of cars, this time heading home. (Hey, at least there, we’d had air conditioning.)

Oh, and in case, you’re looking for a moral to this tale, well, you may can find it here, on ESPN3.com. Which is exactly where I’ll be watching the next game. Check out Auburn vs. South Carolina. First pitch at 9:30 a.m. on Thursday.

War Eagle!

Popularity: 1% [?]

When I was on Twitter Saturday night (@WarEagleTales), I noticed a ton of feedback to Charles Barkley’s hosting appearance on “Saturday Night Live.” Much of it was negative (okay, who am I  kidding? MOST of it was negative) — focusing mainly on Charles’s less-than-polished acting style – though some of it was actually wildly positive (“hilarious” … “frickin’ funny” … “best host of the season,” etc.).

So some pretty different opinions, huh? 

Anyway, for those who missed the show, you can see it for yourself on Hulu.com. They’ve got the episode broken down into clips, so you can just check out the best ones if you want. (It’s Season 35, Episode 11.) Here’s a link:

Saturday Night Live on Hulu.com 

Personally, I recommend the Reel Talk skit at the beginning and the MacGruber segments, which were very funny.

Charles Barkley in MacGruber 

And as for Barkley’s admittedly stiff delivery, well … I actually didn’t think it was all that bad. Athletes typically don’t do as well as actors or comedians (naturally) on SNL, so I cut him some slack there.

And also I give him credit for the enthusiastic way he delivers his lines (“If you build it … we will knock it down!”) … even if (as Steve Nash said) it was obvious he was reading from a cue card.

From @the_real_nash : “does anyone see charles barkley blatanly reading cue cards during his saturday night live skit?”

War Eagle!

Follow WarEagleTales on Twitter. 

Popularity: 1% [?]

After another eventful SEC Media Days, we thought it might be fun to go back and look at some of the (fictional and totally made-up) “Tweets” that the participants published* during the three-day conference. Who knew the SEC’s personalities had so much personality!

SABADOO  For all the fans down there in the lobby … when I give the signal, see if U can get the wave going

SABADOO  What a waste of time. I really should be out recruiting right now … or boogie-boarding. 

SABADOO  Yo @Slive we need more spinach dip up here

Tebes15  don’t get me wrong, I love talking and sharing with these media guys, but I’d really rather be circumcising orphans right now

Tebes15  Sweet! I’ve been dying for an opportunity to talk about abstinence! Never thought I’d get the chance! #chastity

Tebes15  After that last answer, I promise you one thing. You will never see any player answer questions as hard as I will answer questions the rest of this Q&A. …

Tebes15  … You’ll never see someone push his other teammate to answer questions as hard as I will push him to answer questions.

CHIZMEISTER  Where is everybody?

spurdog  So somebody didn’t vote for TEbow, big deal, let it go. I’m sure he just made a mistake, this random anoynymous coach of whom I speak in the third person

CHIZMEISTER  bread … milk … I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter spray … wait, did she say white or wheat?

spurdog  Okay. I’m gonna come clean. This coach that y’all have been talking about, well, actually it was … Jamie, my head of football operations! What was he thinking!

CHIZMEISTER  Don’t see the guys from Gameday … must be running late

UMgoldngreen  How many times do I have to say it? Florida is the ONLY place I want to be … right now.

KIFF69  Media ridin me again. Just like in Oaktown. … ooh, look! a quarter!

MattStafford1  I’m on a boat!!!!

CHIZMEISTER  Next year I’m gonna propose that certain, private topics be made off limits. … Like Iowa State for example.

LesMILEAGE  Totally bored right now. Waiting on some questions. And corndogs.

LesMILEAGE  If a recruit who signs a letter of intent is a signee, why isn’t a recruit who verbally commits a committee?

LesMILEAGE  Is it just me or is gold and purple totally the best possible color combination there is? #gold #purple 

CoachPrice  Soooooo, Erin Andrews is NOT here?

* By “published” we of course mean “didn’t publish” … not even a little bit; nor did they even remotely say anything like this. Although, it would’ve been funny if they had.

Popularity: 1% [?]